Tatarian Asters
by olympicmayhem
Summary: Memories never truly fade. Roxas' dreams are haunted by ice cream and seashells, waking moments are spent staring at certain wildflowers.


**A/N: **AU where Xion didn't come back.

**Disclaimer: **Kingdom Hearts is not mine.

* * *

"_Never forget. That's the truth."_

Roxas woke up, clutching the sheets. He was dreaming of something… something important. He tries to grasp them but they're already fading. He sat up. Outside his window he could see the sun just hanging over the horizon just as always, locking the town in a perpetual state of twilight. He sees his reflection on the window, runs a hand across his cheek. Wet. Was he crying? He clutches his chest and lets out a quiet sob.

He's been having dreams ever since he came back. He can't remember what they're about but they always leave him hurting inside. Every time he tries to grasp them, they elude him, like trying to hold on to water. So he ends up sobbing alone on his bed.

He tries to keep it from Axel (Lea, he reminds himself for the umpteenth time. He's no longer a Nobody) so as not to worry him and it's not like he could confide in Saix (Isa, he scolds himself) about it. He still has trouble giving him all his trust (although now that he thinks about it, Saix hasn't been all that bad to him back in the Organization. Stoic and dismissive, yes, but he treated everybody the same. Why was he so antagonized about him in the first place?) and he doesn't want to bother Hayner, Pence, and Olette about it.

After letting out one last sob, he rubs his eyes and pushes himself off the bed, ready to start the day with his friends. He gently made his way to the bathroom he shares with Lea and Isa, making sure he doesn't wake the other two up, as he starts his day.

After refreshing himself with a nice cold shower, he feels considerably lighter, as if the sadness he felt was washed away during his shower. He put on his usual clothes and trudged down the stairs to find Isa already up and making breakfast.

"Good morning, Roxas," he greets him. Roxas nodded and returned the greeting. He sat quietly in his chair and waited for Isa to finish. Mornings with Isa are usually awkward. The two don't know what to talk about and it's usually a breath of relief to see their redheaded friend yawning as he makes his way to the kitchen/dining area.

"Good morning guys," Lea greeted the two with a huge yawn, dragging his chair and sitting down.

"Good morning," the two greeted back in unison.

"So what's on the agenda today?" Lea asked as Isa set down three plates full of pancakes on the dining table. Roxas shrugged, grabbing a fork.

"The usual," he said, shoving pancake into his mouth.

"Being an adult sucks," Lea complained as he too, shoved pancakes in his mouth. "Isa and I gotta work so we could pay the rent and all the bills. You're lucky, Roxas."

The blond frowned. He was trying to make the load easier by taking up odd jobs (the same ones he took in the data, he thought, a little fondly). It's not his fault the two are older than him. He was about to retort when Isa said "Roxas is trying his best to help us. It's not like he runs around playing the whole day." Roxas gave the man a small smile of gratitude, to which Isa returned. Lea lets out a groan.

"Oh c'mon Lea," Roxas grinned. "Tell ya what. I'll give you guys the icing on the cake after work." Despite himself, Lea had to let out a chuckle.

"Still got that memorized, huh?"

"Of course!"

* * *

Roxas was fond of Twilight Town. This was where he made a lot of memories with his friends. But somehow, looking at the town makes him feel hollow, like there's something missing. Every time he stares at Station Heights, he gets the same ache in his chest.

"Roxas!" He heard Olette call his name, followed by Hayner and Pence. He shook the thought off his head and grinned at them, waving. Roxas will forever be grateful for the three of them for helping him, who was a total stranger to them, come back. He was even more grateful to them for welcoming him with open arms. It felt like they've known each other for years, like the memories DiZ implanted on him were real.

"So we got a couple jobs today that we're gonna try," Hayner told him once they reach him. He listed down jobs and asked Roxas which one he wants to do for the day.

"I'm fine with anything," he tells them, shrugging. Any job is better than slaving for the Organization.

"Alright then," Hayner nodded and assigned him the poster job. The other three took the other available jobs.

"Good luck to us!" Hayner exclaimed. They all nodded and ran off to do their tasks.

* * *

As part of his usual routine, Roxas waits for Lea and Isa on top of the clock tower, three bars of sea-salt ice cream in hand. He watches the quiet town below, the train in the distance.

"You're here early."

Roxas looked around to find Lea and a wave of déjà vu hit him. He's said the same thing to him once a long, long time ago. Lea took his spot beside him and sat down. Roxas handed him his ice cream.

"No, you're just late," he said with a grin. Lea chuckled. Obviously he remembers it too. "Where's Isa?"

"He couldn't make it today," Lea informs him. "He's stuck at work."

"Oh." Roxas looks at the other ice cream in his hand. "Too bad."

Lea shrugged, biting his ice cream. "He said you can have his share."

They ate ice cream in silence for a while, watching Twilight Town below them. As Roxas finishes his first ice cream, Lea started talking.

"Some things never change, huh?" Roxas had to agree.

"The only difference is we're free."

Lea laughed. "You're right. Every time we finish a mission, the two of us used to eat ice cream here, huh?"

_Two? _Roxas thought, unease suddenly filling his mind. Was it really just the two of them? He felt a tug in his heart, the same kind of pain he felt in the morning.

"Roxas?" Lea asked, suddenly sounding alarmed. "Why are you crying?"

He brought a hand to his face. It was wet. He pressed the palm of his hand to his face to wipe the tears before giving Lea what he thought was a convincing smile.

"I'm probably just tired," he said dismissively. "I've been out doing all kinds of work the whole day, you know?" He stood up. "Guess I'm heading back first. See you at home, Lea." He walked away, his best friend watching him with worry.

* * *

_He was back in the Organization. Seashells. A whole bunch of them. On his bedside table. A girl, calling out his name._

"_Roxas."_

"_Roxas." _

Roxas woke up, startled. He clutched his head. He was dreaming again. About… what was it about? A girl? He was sure he heard a girl's voice, calling him. He turned his head to his bedside table. A single seashell (a thalassa, Naminé told him) sits on it. He takes it, finger running through the edges. It was the same seashell he found inside his Organization coat but how it got there, he could never remember. All he knows is that the object now resting on his palm is very important to him. Maybe it was a present from Lea. But why would Lea give him a seashell?

He places the shell inside the drawer, his head feeling heavy, his heart even heavier.

He was quiet during breakfast. Lea and Isa notice but they don't ask. Lea, especially, knows that Roxas will confide in them when he's ready.

"Was there another girl in the Organization apart from Larxene?"

The sudden question caught them off-guard. Isa and Lea stared at each other before shaking their heads.

"None that I can remember," Isa replied. Roxas gave him a small nod.

"Yeah. My mind must be playing tricks on me." He stood up, taking his plate to the sink. "I'm sorry. I'm not really feeling well today."

Roxas trudged back up to his bedroom.

* * *

_He was at the clock tower, eating ice cream. There was someone beside him. Not Axel. This person was shorter, probably about his height, maybe a little shorter than him. _

"_Roxas, do you think I could be a friend?" _

_The voice was definitely a girl's, but he couldn't see her face. The rays of the sun hide her face from view. He wants to see her. His heart aches. Why does the sun have to hide her face from view?_

_He opens his mouth to answer, to call out her name, it was at the tip of his tongue…_

_The dream changed. He was with Hayner, Pence, and Olette at their usual spot, talking about a beach trip. This was the simulated Twilight Town. Roxas stared at Olette and she shimmered. Suddenly he's back at the clock tower._

_He heard a different voice. A promise to the beach on their next vacation. It was him and Axel and… and her. Who was she? His heart aches. He knows they wouldn't be able to fulfill the promise. _

Roxas sat up, clutching his head. Who was the girl? Why is she plaguing his dreams? And why can't he remember her? Roxas pulled on his blond hair, desperately trying to comb through his time with the Organization. She was nowhere to be found. He slammed the wall in frustration.

* * *

His friends could feel that he wasn't in it today. One look at him and you could tell. There was something eating him inside and he's not telling them. Hayner, Pence, and Olette all share looks of worry as they watch him.

They were passing by a house when Roxas stopped, as if transfixed, to a bunch of flowers planted on the windowsill. They were purple and beautiful and Olette thinks she's seen the flowers a couple times before, although she can't remember when. And she doesn't know what they're called either. But the way Roxas looks at them… it's almost melancholic, almost as if he was remembering someone dear to him. Olette wonders who that is.

"Hey, Roxas!" Hayner called out, a little ways ahead of her and Pence. "C'mon! You coming or what?" Hayner ran ahead without waiting for them. Pence ran after him. Olette stayed behind just long enough to watch Roxas start moving.

"Hey," she called out, gently. Roxas looked at her while they run. "You okay?"

He gave her a small smile, a little nod. Olette decided not to pry.

* * *

_He can hear the gentle lapping of the waves as they hit the sand. Trees bearing star-shaped fruit. A wooden bridge, connecting this island to an islet. He knows this place. He's been here recently. It was Sora's home. Destiny Islands. _

_He can see a girl sitting on the bent tree. Kairi? No. Someone else. He decided to approach the person. _

"_The beach is as beautiful as ever," she commented as he takes his place beside her. _

_She hands him an ice cream. He doesn't question where she got it from. The two of them watch the ocean in silence, munching on the sweet-salty snack. It was peaceful. Roxas has never felt this calm ever since… he can't remember. _

"_I know you," he said, finally breaking the silence. She can hear the soft giggle of the girl beside him. The sun's rays hide her face from view but Roxas thinks he detects a hint of sadness mixing in her voice as she says, "Oh? You do?" _

_He nodded, head turning back to stare at the beach. "I see you every night." He paused, frowning. "But who are you? Why do you keep appearing in my dreams?" _

_The girl shifted in her seat, one hand gripping the rough bark of the trunk a little tighter than necessary. When she spoke, he could hear the unfathomable sorrow the girl must be carrying. _

"_I'm… nothing special. Just a memory, really. One that's not supposed to exist." _

_His frown deepened. "That doesn't make any sense." _

"_It doesn't?" she asked, giggling. "Sorry." _

_The way she said the apology almost gave him whiplash. He's heard the word said in the same tone before. By _her.

_He turned his head to look at her and he could see through the rays of the sun: a sad smile, blue eyes. _

"_It's time to wake up," she says, hopping off the trunk._

"_No," he protests. "Wait." _

"_Good bye, Roxas. See you again."_

"Wait!" He shouted, sitting up and heaving. He was so close. So close to grasping the memory but he just had to wake up.

Those blue eyes. That smile. Sadness that doesn't seem to end. His heart aches. He clutches his chest tightly as tears fall from his eyes, cascading down his cheeks and falling like droplets in the sky. A sob wracks his chest. Everything hurts. Why does everything hurt?

* * *

Pence wanted to go to the haunted mansion to check something on Ansem's computer and Roxas volunteered to accompany him, wanting a change in scenery. He hasn't been able to get a good night's rest ever since his dream of Destiny Islands. Hayner and Olette couldn't go due to work.

The two walked in silence, Roxas lost in his own thoughts. Pence doesn't mind. He sensed a lot has been troubling his friend as of late and he was more than happy to hear him volunteer to go with him.

As they passed the columns leading to the front door, something caught Roxas' eye. He walked in the direction of the greenery left to grow wild. Purple flowers were blooming, the same ones he saw on the windowsill the other day. They were beautiful, Roxas thought, but he wonders why these plants catch his attention. It's like he's seen them once, a long time ago. Just what is so special about them?

Pence saw that he wasn't following him anymore and walked to where he's standing.

"They're called tatarian asters," his friend informed him. Roxas nodded, gently touching one of them.

"They're beautiful," he murmured. His friend nodded his agreement.

"Their meaning is even more beautiful. In floriography, they mean 'remembrance' or 'I won't forget you'."

"I won't forget you…" he repeated, feeling a sharp pang pierce through his chest. He doesn't know where it came from; doesn't know why it hurts. His heart feels heavy.

"I've heard some people call that flower shion," Pence told him.

"Shion," A single tear runs down his cheek and Pence stared at him in alarm but he doesn't care.

"Shion," he repeated the name of the flower. Again. And again. And again.

Remembrance.

A girl with short, black hair and blue eyes. A girl with the brightest smiles. The three of them, laughing while eating ice cream at the clock tower.

"Shion,"

Seashells. She loved seashells. She placed them on his bedside table when he fell asleep, one per day. He did the same to her when she herself succumbed to slumber.

"Shion,"

The keyblade. Their missions. Hiding secrets from the rest of the Organization. A fear that she would get turned into a Dusk if Saix finds out the truth.

"Shion,"

Betrayal. She ran away and deserted the Organization. Tried to help the impostor, Riku, bring back his best friend.

"Shion,"

Their promise. The three of them would go to the beach the next time they get a vacation. He was looking forward to it. He wanted to go to the beach with his best friends. They would never be able to go.

"Shion,"

Death. She tried to kill him… but did she really? He remembers the fight and how he won; how she fell and how he caught her. He watched helplessly as her body crystallized, her touch, the smile on her face as she closed her eyes and he realized that she will never open them again. How her body faded in pieces of light, leaving nothing but a single thalassa shell behind.

"Xion,"

His most important person. The girl he tried so hard to protect. His reason for wanting to free Kingdom Hearts. He never wanted to free Kingdom Hearts for himself. It was for her. Everything was for her. The girl who was a puppet. The puppet who was his best friend.

Roxas pushed his feet away from the mansion, leaving his friend behind. He sprinted back to his room, to his bedside table, where a single seashell rests.

"Xion," he cried out, clutching the shell to his chest as he crumples onto the wooden floor.

"I'll never forget. Never again. I promise you."

* * *

They didn't know how or why it happened. One day, Roxas just came home carrying a bunch of gardening supplies. Roxas had asked the two older guys if he could use the small patio they have outside for his plants. They didn't mind, after all, they didn't have anything to put there anyway.

Roxas worked on putting soil on the pots he bought, fourteen in all, before placing tiny seeds in them. He took the newly bought watering can and sprayed them on the soil.

It didn't take long for the flowers to grow, Isa and Lea could see tiny purple flowers springing up from the pot. Isa commended Roxas for the good job he's done growing them, as he would diligently water them everyday. Sometimes, he could even hear him humming a little tune while tending to his plants. Lea, however, was surprised Roxas would be able to continue on with the gardening; he fully expected his best friend to grow bored after a few weeks.

"What brought this on, Roxas?" Lea asked him one day, staring at the flowering pots in front of their home. "If I remember correctly, you've never been the type to be into gardening... unless you turned into Marluxia along the way..."

Roxas laughed and ribbed him before turning his attention to his flowers, gently stroking one of them with an index finger.

"Do you know what they're called?" He asked the taller redhead. Lea only shook his head. Roxas continued. "They're called tatarian asters."

"Well..." Lea started. "They're beautiful and all but why-"

"In some regions," Roxas cut him off, bending in front of the pot. "they're called shion. In the language of flowers it means, 'I won't. forget you.'" Roxas looked back at his best friend, his blue eyes full of emotion. "I don't want to forget her again, Lea."

* * *

**A little one-shot I thought of while suffering insomnia. Not really the best I could come up with but it could be worse. So what do you think? :)**

**-olympicmayhem**


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